Last night I just couldn’t fall asleep. My mind was all over the place, I was frustrated and nothing seemed to help.
Then, without warning, a memory came rushing back and seemed to swell every section of my brain. I could see it. I could feel it. I could hear it.
Our house and the model home were the only two houses on the circle block when the development started. The neighborhood was up on a hill that was perfect for sledding (when it actually snowed). The model home was to the left of our house and sat on the farthest part of the hill backing up to the very drop-off edge. It was a huge house with a perfectly green front yard, stone front and large glass windows. The coolest part about the model house though, was the back porch. It hung out over the backyard and the edge of the hill, looking over the lower part of the neighborhood. From that point you could see miles of fir trees, mountains and the faint city lights of Portland.
I was sixteen and trespassing. But with a blanket, hot tea, a good friend and an even better view, it was my favorite spot. At least twice a week the two of us would creep through the dark side-yard, slightly hike upward, and then climb over onto the porch. We would just sit there for hours with our backs leaned against the back sliding doors. Sometimes we would talk. Sometimes we wouldn’t. Instead we would just stare at the stars, shivering slightly from the cold, but not wanting to leave.
Absolutely nothing beats a skyline of trees and mountain tops illuminated only by the brightest of stars in the darkest night. That view is home to me. I have a feeling it always will be. In that spot, even with uncomfortable seating options, no protection from bugs or the cold, was where I found peace. I was able to breathe, contemplate, pray, feel, dream, speak or be silent.
Everything became simple there.
More than anything, I believe that’s what I was needing last night. Peace and simplicity. A vision of home. And so finally, I fell asleep; to a memory of a time and a place I hadn’t thought of in years. But that was still, after all this time, able to give me exactly what I needed.
finding significance now 